Let me start by saying, "I'm not crazy!!!!" Now that it out in the open, I can state that was denial playing a huge role in my life. For those of you that know me personally, would probably beg to differ; but it is true. Your boy is not all there upstairs. Since my last post I have experienced a Liminey Snikkette's type twist of unfortunate events.
On my ten day hiatus to the psych ward or loonie-bin lock-down, for lack of better words, I learned how to accept and forgive. You ask, "what caused this hiatus?" I answer, "one failed suicide attempt om Jan. 18th caused this hiatus..." You ask, "Why would Myc Ripley (B.Stuart) want to kill himself?" I answer, "thats a good question."
I really couldn't grasp the whole concept myself, until I was put in intensive psychiatric evaluations to understand the severity of what I'm dealing with. What I'm dealing with is Manic-Depressive Bipolarity, more on the depressed spectrum of things. I wish I was a manic, I would need more calming down than lifting up. Factors in my life that I thought weren't there really were. It's kinda funny because I have many songs about this issue and never really sought help.
**Sidenote: one of those songs I wrote back in June/July 2009. Here take a look at this post, telling 7AR I wanted to use one of his beats. Which turned into this song. "Dead in Your Arms"
I had a hard time releasing this one. End sidenote.**
Anyway, it was the way I was perceiving and had been perceiving a great deal of things. I was not under the influence of mind altering drugs.) There was a chemical imbalance in my serotonin levels.
Regardless of what I need, besides pills and a shrink according to all the PHD's I've been around the last ten days. I feel the best way to accept this is to bloggy blogg blogg about it. It isn't the best subject, but it is my subject for the moment. So...
This is what happens when you body is not healthy, you spirit and mind start to fade as well. As Matty Slims would call it.. "CHI." Well, indeed my chi was deathly fading. For the last 3 years, I had been working 40hrs a week, attending school 30 hrs a week online eastern standard time (last 2 yrs), tryin my fuckin hardest to be a full-part-time-gimme-extra-time father, and Myc Ripley. All while not sleeping or eating as much as I should be. I had a very bad case of "DRIVIN TIL THE WHEELS FELL OFF" both in outside life and internally. (Every car I've owned has took a crap and then been replaced.. I don't do the fix it if it broke.. If it broke go get a new one.. You know??)
The ball containing all these factors got a little too big to carry and I drop the ball. With all this goin on I was bound to hit the end of my road. That's the long story short. Oh! For those that are going to or want to criticize, THIS WASN'T FOR ATTENTION!! I get enough attention, I'm a good person to everyone.
In closing, I would like to thank all those who partook in the #FreeMycRipley thread. Speical #SHOTUOUTS to @mattyslims @allahustle23 @ashleythizzdale @fadedNXratd @dayum_sof @gnarleybynature @reyresurreccion @soliscin @megabusive2010 @luicidal @mrfritzo
One love. I'm home, got my pills and I'm ready to get back on it!